But I was instantly captivated by Josh, and could feel the there was something incredibly special about this young man with the beautiful voice. I started posting on Josh’s message board at the beginning of 2003, and at every turn I was amazed by his talent and his effect on people’s lives. I became convinced that Josh is destined for greatness, as long as he can stay true to himself and avoid corrupting influences.

Josh’s first tour started in January 2004, and the first concert I attended was in Kansas City. I was thrilled to be able to meet some fans and to talk to David Romano again-- I even gave him a Josh pillow! I know he probably doesn’t have a very good impression of me—I think I interrupted him and in general acted like a total ditz who couldn’t express a thought too well. I admit I am not too good in social situations, because I get extremely nervous around people—especially in crowds or around people I hold in high esteem. If I ever talk to David again, I plan to offer my apologies to him for being such an irritating Josh fan…lol. At intermission some fans pointed out Josh’s girlfriend to me, who happened to be sitting in the row in front of me! At that time, I didn’t know too much about his girlfriend, but I knew what she looked like, etc. I had an extra Josh pillow, so I was excited to present her with one, too! I spoke briefly with her, and she was very soft-spoken and thanked me for the pillow. I suppose the overall impression I got from talking to her was that she was nice, quiet and not really too interested in talking to anyone. And again, I probably came off as irritating, which I can understand (lol). And I think I was REALLY irritating the people in the row where I was sitting—I was leaning over the seats in front of me at one point and my daughter said I had my butt in their face…OOPS! Anyway, the second half of the concert started up and to my horror, January sat there almost the whole time slumped over in her seat like she was bored to death. While other people were giving Josh standing ovations, she just sat there, and when she clapped, it was like a big effort for her. After the concert, my daughter even mentioned that she was surprised by the way she acted, knowing that people were all around her, watching her.

Right after that, during Spring 2004, I began learning more about January. The more I learned and heard about her behavior at various events, the more I felt that this was a person that was not good enough for Josh, and that she was one part of troubling signs that Josh was being influenced by “bad elements” in Hollywood. Seeing a photo of January Jones posing with Paris Hilton doesn’t exactly give one a warm fuzzy feeling inside. Being a person who speaks my mind and goes to battle for the people I care about, I began speaking out about January—especially when other fans made excuses for her questionable behavior. I thought she was often being disrespectful to Josh! I butt heads with the “board police” of Josh’s message boards BIGTIME. I was attacked for not being “supportive” of Josh. Well, sorry, to me being supportive of Josh does NOT mean that I have to like the people he associates with, and in fact, I felt I was (and still am) being MORE supportive of him that those who chose to accept any and all of his “people’s“ decisions without question. I stand up for what I think is right and I care about Josh.

Anyway, I DO have plenty of faults, and one of them is being too sarcastic. Another is letting my anger get the best of me. In October of 2004, after photos appeared on the internet of Josh and January at the "Enduring Vision" Fundraiser, many people were commenting about how they didn’t like January’s dress (because it looked like underwear) and how Josh looked smashed in the photos. I joined in the conversation and made a sarcastic remark like “Well, if he’s drunk, it’s no surprise—look who he is with.” No, I guess it wasn’t a nice comment, but I felt Josh deserved better. Right after that my username lmiller got banned. I signed up again as pillow_lady. A couple of months later there was an incident with a fan being rudely spoken to on the phone by Lynne Malone, after the fan tried to find out why a concert was cancelled. Lynne had told her it was 'none of her business' why the concert was cancelled. This fan started a thread on the main forum about this incident, and finally Brian responded to her in her thread--apologizing for Lynne. Then he started a NEW thread on the main forum to answer the question of why Lynne didn't apologize herself—he said that it was early in the morning and she was probably still asleep. Well, I assumed that Lynne would post an apology in the thread when she 'woke up', and having dealt with Lynne's unprofessional manner in the past myself, it really ticked me off that she never did that.

Well, Lynne finally DID post in that thread, but not to apologize for her behavior, but rather to post blatant lies about ME. She said that I had sent her many nasty emails and insulted JOSH and his entire family, which was absolutely NOT true. I had only sent Lynne about 3 or 4 emails during the entire previous 2 years, and I was NOT nasty at all. I think I had contacted her about a thread about January being deleted—I can’t quite remember-- it’s been so long, but I DO distinctly remember one thing she said: that “Josh doesn’t care about what the fans think…”  I responded that I did NOT think that was true at all (I was taking up for Josh!), but I was NOT nasty to her at all!  In fact, in the last PM I sent her there, I offered to make her a Josh pillow and she responded and told me the address to send it to!! And I absolutely have never said anything remotely derogatory about Josh or his family in ANY post on his message board, OR in emails to anyone, including Lynne. In fact, it is quite the opposite—I am constantly defending Josh! I was already writing letters to critics, sending emails to newspaper editors, and I had posted numerous responses defending Josh on other message boards. I was (and still am) baffled as to why Lynne would think that I was bashing Josh and his family. Sigh.….

Next…. I am invited to join the “Josh Groban Underground”…… a refuge for fans who spoke their minds and faced the wrath of the board police……and I get a message from a very interesting person………