Chapter 16

I posted Chapter 15 on September 25th, 2008. I had hoped things would get better, or at least not get any worse. And I thought that maybe, just maybe, if I could be strong and ignore the bullies as much as possible, they would eventually get tired and go away. So I tried very hard to focus on Josh news in the Pub, and even though I couldn't stop looking at the hateful blogs, I did pretty good at not commenting on what they were saying. I suppose, in their frustration that I wasn't responding to them, they decided to increase the brutality and malignment of my character. They again reposted my private words from a private forum, and as usual, led people to believe that I said those things publicly in the Pub. Another new blog went up and they increased their taunts about how much Josh hated me and my forum. And then they sunk to new lows: they started portraying me not only as a "psycho", but as a dangerous psychotic stalker who presented a clear danger to Josh and his family. They described Josh's team having to increase his security at appearances because of me, and said that I had caused him so much concern that he even had changed the way he lived his life: choosing to greet fans less, and keeping all his relationships private to "protect those close to him" from that dangerous threat Louise. They implied that the reason he didn't come out of his bus on all his concert tour stops in Texas in 2007 was because that is the state I live in. Of course, all of that is malicious lies, because I have never done anything at all that could be considered a "threat" to Josh or his safety. I have only attended seven concerts in the last five years, and at those I simply went to the concert, attended fan Meet & Greets, and a few times waited outside in the crowd with other fans, waiting for him to come out and sign autographs. Unlike OTHER FANS, I never went to the concert venue hours early, tried to find out what hotel he was staying at, never camped out anywhere that I thought he might pass thru like hotel lobbies, nor did I try to follow his bus down the highway. Even when I DID find out what hotel Josh was staying at, I never told other fans in the area about that, because I didn't want some looney fans running down there bothering him. If I lived in Los Angeles I would have NO interest whatsoever in going to Josh's house or his parents' house unless they INVITED ME. People who have read my posts over the years know that I have frequently spoken out against such outrageous fan behavior. So to see these people portraying me as some "stalker" or possible threat to Josh was, I think, one of the worst things that Nay and the bullies EVER did to me. Not only because of the maliciousness of the accusations, but because they were actually acusing me of either being criminally insane or that I could easily become that threat to Josh in the future. To say that I was horrified is an understatement, and I finally decided that I couldn't go on anymore. Nothing I did, no matter how postive I was, no matter how I tried to not react to their malicious blogs, things just kept getting worse. And I guess the worst thing is knowing that Josh and his parents and his "people" were not doing anything about the bloggers. Nothing whatsoever... they could have contacted these people and asked them to leave me alone. They could have called up Nay and told her that Josh was unhappy with what she was saying and with what her friends were saying. They could have called Sue Witkin and told her to STOP. But nothing was done and I guess they will NEVER do anything to help me and my family. So knowing that, I decided it was time for me to finally give up. Up until the day I decided that, I had held onto a bit of hope that Josh or someone close to him would help me. All he had to do was simply ask them to leave me alone and I can't imagine any of them "defying" his wishes. After all, they had all repeatedly hammered at me that I was a monster for "not doing what Josh wanted". And speaking of that, AGAIN, I have never been told what JOSH GROBAN wanted as far as the Pub. NEVER. That damn letter Josh's LAWYER sent me did NOT in ANY WAY explain what JOSH wanted. It just said that Josh was asking me to retire my site because OTHER PEOPLE wanted that. I never promised that I would bring the Pub down if other people wanted that-- only if JOSH WANTED that. It doesn't matter if the President of the US or the Pope sent me the letter. It doesn't even matter that Josh himself sent me that letter. I am not going to do what some scumbags want me to do. The ONLY reason I shut the Pub down is because I was concerned about the increased attacks and the potential affects on my family. Not because of that damn letter. If I still had the Pub up and Josh would write me a personal note and say that HE doesn't like the Pub and wants it shut down, then of course I would comply. To this day, he has done NO SUCH THING. And I STILL believe that he never wanted the Pub to go away. After all, HE is the one who said that he does not care what people say. So even if there was something that might have upset him now and then in the Pub, it doesn't make any sense whatsoever that he would want the whole damn site shut down, especially when he can see with his own eyes that it is (was) supporting him with absolute love and admiration and excitement about every thing he did. Why the hell would he want a site like that to go away??

However, while I am past being upset about the letter, what DOES upset me more than anything right now is knowing that he never did anything to stop Nay and the other bloggers in their vendetta, when he easily could have. It hurts to the core-- not just for my sake, but for the many fans who enjoyed what the Pub was about. Josh knows I am not a stalker or a threat to him. And by now he should realize that those monsters have lied-- that I haven't "harrassed" any fans or called his mother names or any of that crap they keep saying I did. YES, I called some of his FANS names, and stood up to their crap. But I did so because I was fed up with their attitude and arrogance and manipulation and cruelty towards others-- which was ruining his message boards and running fans off. I'm not "bad" for speaking up about their CRAP they dish out. It is NOT a federal crime to disagree with someone on the internet!!

Anyway, if Josh doesn't care about those monsters doing this to me, then, well, it breaks my heart, but that's just the way it is and I have to accept it and move on.